Will You Kindly Accept My Humble Apologies

i debated a long time how to start this..i am a functioning alcoholic/i am a functionaing pervert/i am a functionaing addict....none of them say it the way i want. just call me loaded?
maybe instead i'll get right into it--it's so weird to write about my secret life, because it s not so secret, of course all who love me know. i live a double life in complete. outward professional, constantly dealing with the weighty issue of removing peoples liberty. and in my real life i am a freak. i come home, i take off my suit and i return to age eighteen. i feel the same except a deeper darker more comprehensive and understanding sadness for the way thing are.
so at work i play the secret lie game of being all business, altho everyone knows i have a dog, it is a small town and i live across the street from the sheriff. i can't quite ever look people in the eye because i am such an open book, i know they will get it all instantly and know i am not only unfit for my job and any respect in the community, but i should be put away and never allowed free, to be able to influence youths.
so here's the problem and where the apology comes in. my secret life seems somehow connected in my head to the fact that most of the people around me think i am a big perv just because i'm a homo and i never talk about sex or even have it for that matter so it is a secret life too, especially because it is so perverted that i am supposed to be embarrassed to even admit my dykeiness. AND I AM SO SORRY FOR BEING A GAY.

masochist: this is your place

ok, thats it. everyone except the sane guy in my office is voting this week to ban any sort of recognition of gay relatinships (not just marriage no altho its called defense of marriage act). so i guess i'm saying that it feels so egotistical, but living in south west kansas is intellectually painful. altho thats how i feel i cant stop thinking the real egotists are the fucks that think their religion gives them the fucking authority to decide who deserves equality. so superior are they that they should be able to go far beyind the logical maxims of the law designed to punish the intitiation of force and actually dictate adults lives in every aspect. repulsive and neanderthalish but how egotistical is that. you tell me. i dont know