Gil, I am so sorry and know this is a time when sorry just isnt enough

my policy: don't ask, don't ask

i have been talking to a recruiter and considering the option of full on enlistment, to some extent since i can enroll as an officer, and i finally broached it to a family member, my beloved brother (not that the other brother isnt beloved, but is an unknown) and he said i wouldnt think you would want to work for any group with a dont ask dont tell policy. i know what he means, because the reality of that policy means if you tell you are shit and if we ask we open ourselves up to losing bodies that we could send off to be killed, which we need because this war will go on forever...
but here's the truth: i don't want people to ask and i never tell and never want to. unfortunately for me everyone in the known world, including my mom, has always assumed i was gay without knowing. but to me this should and does have nothing to do with work. i know many people think it has much to do with my work--i am aggresive in court because i am such a dyke, i do the job i do because it is a mans job and i think i am a man etc etc, all the things any regular person does but is seen as a part of your gayness if you are a gay woman. anyhow, i still think dont ask, i have no reason to tell. i dont talk about sex with anyone really so to discuss the fact that women make me itchy and happy and jumpy and happy is not something i tell. so i guess i appreciate a dont ask dont tell policy, and under the laws dont ask is pretty much the rule, dont tell just makes sense, because who sits around at work talking about how hot their client is and how their client tried to make out with them when meeting at the restaurant/bar? not me for sure.
so if telling i'm gay (i prefer the term homo and love the term queer) got me kicked out of a job, then it seems like that is an easy out.
all this said, when i was fired from my first job, where they had bible meeting on the weekends for all the other attorneys who were all mormon, everyone said it was because i was gay. altho i still am unconvinced, i think these are crazy people who believe an alien came and gave them the last portion of the bible, so for them to fire me for gayness does not seem odd at all. they are weirdos. they believe in weirdo things. the fact i feel very flushed and uncomfortable and happy (as mentioned) around certain women doesnt seem to have much to do with aliens and missions where you travel for years pushing your craziness on others. but if to them this goes against their whole alien bible, women dominating idea does not bother me in the least. it is like the idea that bush is a christian--if he wants to think crazy things, like his life is a reflection of a man who believed in forgiveness and compassion, and he wants to hate me because of his christianity, then i cannot hold that against hm. he is obviously either insane or using these words to serve his own scary purposes. i cant be bothered with crazies and i cant help the fact that most people talk out of one side of their mouth while letting a woman suck their dick with the opposite side.
these are a lot of rambling, run on, non sensical sentences, i agree. but 1 is that worse than an alien bestowed bible that cant be found but is "followed" and 2 i think efb might be the only person who ever has read any of this crap.
so i guess i will end with yes, erin, yes i immediately knew the answer to the question, but i do not care to hurt you. try hard not to hurt you, so why would i tell you things that i think will hurt you?