i heard myself say that to the interpreter today as we were leaving the no contact rooms and discussing my trial this week. i like her and she has a great smile, a smile along smile, so i didnt want to say it clearly, which would have been i have a problem in that i am extremely talented at being mean. i can cut people, make them feel stupid, make them defensive and if i know them i can hurt them. i am so good at it. i think its why my client called me a cop eater.
so the problem is when the prosecutor are rude i find myself easily coming up with something that is so truthful that it will sting this person. i can see the things that people hate about themselves.
and i guess the problem isnt that i have this talent the problem is that i hate that me. that is the me that can talk to brian sherwood. that is the me that erupts after days of zoey's whining.
the me that said those things to xxx so obviously true they hurt to much to be mentioned. it is the me that would say something so stupid as "would you like to say anything else in a rude voice" which is like the lamest comeback in the whole entire world if it can even be considered. but i was trying to keep the me i hate from saying "your honor i object--state v. marrs clearly states that there must be civility between prosecution and defense--i would ask you to order the county attorney (i wont even say her name which is lois plead it as charged malin) to use a civil tone of voice in all future objections and responses. if the county attorney cannot i would ask you hold the county attorney in contempt. i will defer to your judgment."
its only 5.30 and i have my whole life ahead of me.
how do i kill hateful me
