odd

i just read posts and realized that i wrote as if i was talking to xxx. lord is she still my whole life

i am so stupid

so i just put it together. see my sister says that i am freaky about death and get all weird when it happens, but my take has always been that death is pretty serious and has a lot of impact on life since that is how it ends. forever. and then there's nothing else. for this life anyhow. ive always thought it odd that people didnt talk more about death--i mean its all about sex in this weird societal warped way--which is about enjoying life--and no talk about death ever--and so then it snapped--religion.
these crazy jesus freaks and even the polite but devout like the folks--its all about death. they are doing the talking and i didnt realize because it seemed so bizarre. thats the connection with all this religious fervor--it is the death talk but in a way that makes them feel good. not the realistic way like we are dead forever which is like a circle and it goes round and round with no end which means dead for infinity which is like not even a thing--and there is no more except the hope for bugs eating you and thats not even you since you are dead.
im telling you--there are many times i went to light a cigarette and found one burning and so there is always something so obvious to figure out.