working interfferes with drug habits or how i discovered the difference between a habit and an addiction

jeremy told me i beat a motion to death and he said it with the same mixture of confusion on deciding whether to emote admiration or borderline annoyance that i saw in judge vieux when he called me ever the optimist.
people like to have hope, they like to have people hope things could be better in the future and they need an advocate that has some social impact. some people mistakeningly see this in me. people are sad scared and poor and just want to be happy. same story
this wasnt the epistle i had written in my head when jeremy's words and tones kept coming back up on me.
when i read cases what gets me into it is that these are people and the story that led them to that place. it is why i am so interested in murder i guess. but i want to acknowledge their peopleness and attempt to make the others in the courtroom see an entire individual that has has an individual life and individual thoughts that cannot be known to us or felt by us or completely judged by us. and neither morality or the fear of god is enough for some people.