i hope you do it again.

i hope you do it again. i wrote it twice because that's how it was said. and i fucking shivered with lust.

so now what. of course i'll do it again. i'm horny and you're you. or maybe it is all just inevitable. i havent figured that part out yet--if i was writing a brief i guess it would be the issue is whether i it matters if i am in love or not and if so am i.

but this isnt a brief and as far as i can tell there is no case law on this. i need to understand my own goals and i guess that includes whether i can consider another person in my goals.

so do i go for the gratification of hard core sex and break my three years of purifying celibacy. and if so what are the ramifications? do i have to commit or lose someone. if i dont same question.

you who? you

so my life has evolved to a place that i am a public defender. i think it, i try all the time, i try to be an excelent pd. why? don't know. for me or hard up people against the man or money or ambition, ego, pride, my mom.

besides bin there is not much else but the work.

am i ethical. do i lie. how can i be effective and not two faced. where does all the money go from the property forfeitures and is tony cruz dirty or is it all just coincidence and zealousness.

this is what consumes my off time. i find at work i have to concentrate very hard on what is happening to stay in play. i am so used to completely zoning out when people talk, rarely hearing anything others say, esp certain inane too cozy yaketyyaks. usually i listen like i read, check ut the first couple words and then guess the rest and jump to the next thing my mind wants to think about.

i thought if i tried to write all the crazy things that happen at work, it would be good reading and entertaining, wouldnt mind honing my writing skills, but its boring me talk and what does that say?